“Desperate to come out”

Why is it that when we “come out” all we ever worry about is what we are going to lose? I can tell you that what this man is going to lose if he does not come out is his wonderful partner. No one is going to do the kind of things for him that a partner does and then have to endure the shame that comes each time his partner denies him to his mother or anyone else.

Desperate to come out needs to do the math and ask himself…”How many years do I expect to be on this Earth? Do I plan to be happy during that time? Who will be with me longer, my mother or my partner who makes life worth living?” Give your mother some credit. She’s probably known that you were gay since you were five. Unfortunately, the only tools that she has ever had to deal with this came from her church. She clearly needs better tools. PFLAG comes to mind.

Chances are that “Desperate to come out” has taken years to become comfortable with himself. He should give his mother the chance to do the same and understand that it might take her a bit of time as well. Coming out is about what we gain, not what we lose. Sometimes we need to lose people who shame us if we cannot educate them by being who we really are. When they realize what THEY have lost, they often come back with a new and healthier attitude; but someone has to make the first move.

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